What to do if your friend likes someone?!

So what's your first reaction when ur friend tells you they like someone? Let me guess...

"Omg!!!! Whooooo!!????", "Can I see a picture?!?", "What's his/her/their Instagram handle??"

Or if you already know the person- "Omg he/she/they is/are so cute (or hawtt)!!"

Now, these are common responses (or so I have observed). But these questions and comments are drawing a direct connection between the person's looks, Instagram account and your opinion of them. You're literally asking to see a picture of them so you can judge the way they look or maybe you think you know them and just need a picture to jog your memory so you can talk about your perception of them. Is this really what you think your friends want to hear? Some speculative gossip piece about the person they like or validation of their taste in people?

Chances are if your friend actually likes this person, they don't want you asking these questions. This is simply because falling for someone's Instagram feed is different from falling for their personality. Yeah of course physical attributes often play a role in the development of feelings but it is NOT the only reason if the feelings are real.

In addition to making your friend conscious of their choice in people, your asking such questions reiterates the ideology many activists on social media are battling -"Looks aren't everything", "Social media is only 1% real life". It has become a norm to stalk people your friends like on Instagram. That is a problem because it subconsciously compels people to make themselves presentable for potential stalker friends.

So how exactly should you react when a friend confides in you for something like this? Now I'm no expert but I do have a suggestion.

Maybe try asking your friend an open-ended question that allows them to elaborate on their feelings for this person.

"What about him/her/them do you like?"

"How do they make you feel?"

"What are some things you have in common?"

"Tell us about this person."

The objective of this is to give your friend a space to express their emotions. Not only will this make them feel heard but it will also increase the chances of them confiding in you again. It's a trust builder.

If you already ask questions along these lines, you're great. But in case you don't, these questions may seem cringy or unconventional at first but the effect they have may completely change your standpoint. What's the harm in trying? It's crazy what a few open-ended questions can get a person to spill ;)