Confessions of a good student

Hey, so I have something to confess. If you're in middle school or just starting high school, I encourage you to read on. If you're the kind of person who always needs to be giving their 100%, this is for you. And if you don't belong to either of those categories, just read for fun yeah?

All throughout middle and high school, I've been a good student, the kind that gets good grades, always prepares for tests, does her homework on time, completes assignments and projects when due, participates in activities et cetera. This behaviour is kind of part of who I am. I'm responsible, dependable, I enjoy socialising with people (most of the time), organising things and taking charge.

But sometimes this behaviour does more harm than good. While these traits are a part of me, at times they take control of my mind entirely, I become an anxious control freak.

A part of me found solace in the predictability of my behaviour, I was always going to do well in school and never going to cause much trouble for anyone i.e. never disappoint anyone. So I let the takeover happen.

The "anxious, perfect student" in me, tormented me for weeks and months on end. I would cry before exam weeks, hide my marks from people when I thought they weren't good enough, refute the concept of self-care entirely, deeming it selfish and unproductive. It made me feel like I had complete control of my life and that I knew exactly what was going on.

Flashback to when I was 13 or 14...

One evening, I was walking outside with some friends and we were playing a game where we expressed our honest opinions of each other. One of my friends turned to me and gravely yet simply said, "Saniya, I think you have no idea what you're doing in life". He said in such a matter-of-factly way that I was completely taken aback. Me? Not knowing what I'm doing?! Me, the control freak, losing control?! Hell no. I phonily shrugged it off and walked home, all the while only thinking-"What if he's right?"

Guess what besties, turns out he was right! I had no blithering idea why I was spending so much time studying shit like Geography (sorry if you like geo) when I could be discovering something fun, new, something I love. I spent so much time trying to be the perfect student, getting perfect grades to keep everyone happy, and what did all that effort amount to? A good grade in my final exam...yeah but at what expense. I sacrificed fun and the peace of my mind for a good grade that I am not going to do anything with for the rest of my life.

Now don't get me wrong, studying is important, so is a good grade, but it's not as important as actually living your life. Before junior year of high school (11th grade), I didn't know what I wanted to study further, so up until then I was just blindly doing what the education system wanted me to. I invested too much time and effort without knowing what it was going to amount to in the future.

So here I am telling you not to make the same mistake. It's okay to worry about exams and tests, worry motivates us at times, but when it gets to the point where you feel burnt out or stressed, you need to back off. Fail the test, lose a couple of marks, apologise to the teacher for missing the deadline, tell your parents you'll figure it out, but don't sacrifice your well-being, it is simply not worth it.

In all honesty, the "anxious perfect student" still gets the best of me from time to time, but I'm trying to learn from my past mistakes and as some smart person once said, "it is smarter to learn from other people's mistakes than to make your own". Hence, I urge you to learn from mine.

Give it your all, and your "all" is how much you can work without suffering.

I hope this helps <3

Thanks for reading.

Take a break when you need one ;)